I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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