Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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