there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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