Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
