I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I want a musical about memes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
