I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
