I wish I could teleport
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
