Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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