It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
