I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
