You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
