I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize