Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
