Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize