there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You are a genius and a whore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
