highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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