Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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