No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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