my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
