just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
