do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize