Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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