I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
