Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
