I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm passing your future prison.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
