no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
