I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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