And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
