i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
