We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
