don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
