I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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