If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
