I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We left an ass print on the piano.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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