hotel room ftw
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
