So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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