No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize