I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
