there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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