a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
