you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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