You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
