we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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