Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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