I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
