Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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