gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
50% drunk capacity currently
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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