I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
