they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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