Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
