Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
