I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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