At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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