Ambien. No doubt about it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
