next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
