I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
