You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
