i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
