Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
