I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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