Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
