i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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