I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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