You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
