YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
someone threw a dead crab at me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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