My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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