Tell her she can't have a vagina
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
