How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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