I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
