I CAN MOONWALK!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
