whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
