Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
