his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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