I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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