Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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