i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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