yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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