apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
