Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
