Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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