Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
