just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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