And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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