I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
