Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
