moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
