I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
