Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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