i was born a porn star she said
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
