definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
tell me about the eggs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
