They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
