the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
