..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
