If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize