Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
