Where is the hickey?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
