Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
