Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
