Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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