Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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