what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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