Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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