So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So vagazzling was a success
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
